I just watched the latest episode of Season 5 of Grey's Anatomy, Sympathy for the Devil. I came out, reeling in shock at the last scene. I can't... I can't get the shock out of my system, and I am blogging, and I feel like crying any moment...

The story arc currently revolves around a death row inmate who had brain complications. He was due to be executed in 5 days, but his complications acted up and he was sent to Seattle Grace for treatment.

Throughout the course of the 2 episodes, he constantly asked to die naturally in the hospital, because it was more humane than be executed and slaughtered "like an animal" in prison. Derek Shepherd, head of Neurosurgery, refuses to let him die in Seattle Grace. He insisted nobody can cheat death and get what they want, especially for someone who murdered 5 women. He insisted the death row prisoner get his dues...

Intertwined with this story arc is Jackson, a little kid, who is suffering from intestinal and liver failure. In this episode, both patients met each other by chance in the hallways of the hospital, and the prisoner offered his organs to Jackson. It turns out that both patients are a perfect match for organs transfer, and the prisoner wanted to save lives, redeem himself before he goes... Jackson initially got a donor match, but the organs failed upon delivery, and as of now, he is left waiting for new organs while his are rapidly failing...

Meanwhile, the prisoner went into surgery, and had part of his skull removed. Now, his brain is exposed the environment, and any injuries to that area will cause complications....

Meredith, our dear Meredith, who doesn't see things in black and white, who sees the humane side of everything, who sympathizes with death row inmates, gave the above advice to the suicidal patient, after watching Miranda Bailey lose herself trying to find organs for Jackson.

The episode ends with him banging his head on the metal bed frame....

I am shocked. I am utterly shocked. After that scene faded away, the shock hit me. He is committing suicide, partly to control his fate, partly to save a kid he met on the hallways for a few seconds. I am still reeling at the powerful scene... And now, there are many thoughts floating around my head...

Who gets to control life and death? Derek Shepherd, who decides that the death row inmate will NOT die on his watch, but should pay his dues for what he did? Meredith Grey, for offering the patient a choice? The death row inmate, who ultimately decides how his life should end?

Crime and punishment is a topic we covered in GP class in JCs. Practically everyone sees things in black and white. Sure, everyone gave presentations and arguments for both sides, but ultimately, the essay requires us to choose, to pick a side. Are we for or against capital punishment?

Derek Shepherd sees things in black and white, while for Meredith, she sees things in shades of gray. The line between wrong and right, black and white, is blurred. And this is what is happening. The world isn't so clear-cut. We can't apply "all murderers should die and pay for their wrongs!" or "capital punishment is evil!" to every single case. I would, but, the world isn't so simple.

Personally, I am against capital punishment, because I don't like the idea of killing people. Two wrongs don't make a right. I would rather they are given life imprisonment. At least, that locks them up and keeps the society from harm. Now, I am not so sure. I am beginning to question myself. Are things always so clear cut, so black and white?

That's the great thing about good drama. They make you question your beliefs and values system, let you think out of the box, about all the other complicated issues. But at the end, we all still will make a choice. What do we ultimately believe in? Because ultimately, our values system roots us all down, and defines us uniquely for who we are.

At best, we all must recognize that things aren't always so clear cut. Our values can't be applied stringently and staunchly against all possible scenarios. There can never be a one-size-fit-all solution for everything. All we can do is try. We stick to what we believe, but, we still must allow room for other alternatives when the situation calls for them. I'll never abandon my belief that killing is immoral, and a wrong does not right another wrong. But I am ready to look at the other side, whenever I need to.

That is why Meredith complements Derek. He needs to see the blurred gray lines once in a while.